Some men describe it as fraying at the edges. While the fabric of their lives appears to be intact, around the age of 45 they begin to sense deterioration. At first glance everything looks normal. They seem competent and in control. At work they function well, their golf handicap is enviable and what they see in the mirror every morning is not too upsetting.
But new vulnerabilities and uncertainties are creeping in, and they can feel a change is under way. Many would be relieved to learn that they are not alone in this. In their 40s, most men experience biochemical changes in their bodies and brains.
The fashionable view is that men and women have different experiences in mid-life. Women have the major physical event of menopause, and most of the psychological changes they experience are attributed to this. It is thought men have no similar physical event. Rather, they go through a series of strange emotional changes that are roughly labelled as a mid-life crisis. These are seen simply as a reaction to the ageing process.
But neuropsychologists say men undergo biological changes that are as traumatic and dramatic for them as menopause is for women. They go through a biological equivalent of menopause that involves many changes.
Look, for example, at what happens to their reproductive behaviour and physiology. There are big individual differences, but most men feel that their libido is declining and they are becoming less potent. It takes them longer to get an erection, the erection might not be as firm as it once was and it takes them longer to have an orgasm. Years earlier an orgasm might have felt like a gigantic sneeze; now it feels like a small sniff. For many there is a reduction in the volume of ejaculate and a fall in sperm count. The period between erections is longer: where once they could perform several times a night, they now may have to wait 1 or 2 days before having intercourse again.
Finally, their threshold of interest diminishes. Their sexuality is not as immediate as it used to be. A lot more has to be done to create sexual interest. While they can still reproduce, the imperative to do so is not nearly as strong as it was when they were younger. Some even report that they find this reduced interest a relief. This uneven winding down of the biochemistry of sexual function can produce volatile alterations in behaviour that are difficult for the men and those around them to understand.
If those around them understand that the psychological changes have a biological basis and that the emotional volatility is not something that can be completely controlled by willpower, this can help to reduce the negative impact of the changes for all concerned.
Before the age of 40, men can keep things ‘in pretty good nick with the minimum effort’, but beyond that, despite the best intentions, deterioration occurs. Men reach their maximum physical potential around 18 or 19. If they look after themselves very well, they will stay at this high level of functioning until roughly 39 or 40. Then, no matter how well they care for themselves, physical rot sets in; they cannot escape their biology.
Not only does cardiac output decrease, but other organ systems, including the kidneys, liver and lungs, also begin to show signs of decay Many studies have looked at ageing and performance and found a distinct decline around the age of 40. Marathon runners know their times will start lengthening once they hit their late 30s.
One of the big shocks of ageing relates to changing physiognomy. Men often get upset when they see their skin losing its elasticity, particularly on the backs of their hands or around their necks. They are reminded of this daily while they are shaving, when they find they have to make an extra effort to ensure the skin is stretched so they don’t cut off a great slab of flesh.
They are also startled to notice their image in shop windows. At first they wonder who the reflection belongs to, but it is not long before the terrible realisation hits: their body shape has changed. They have thickened around the waist and lost musculature in the greater muscles of the legs and arms and back. The speed with which this happens is frightening.
With so many biochemical changes going on in the body, it is unreasonable to think similar changes are not happening in the brain. The brain is made up of lots of complex little systems, all of which run on biochemistry. Ageing affects these systems. For instance, many men in their 50s begin to suffer short-term memory loss. It’s a reality, and there is a biochemical reason for it. Hormone levels are falling too, in fits and starts.
Biochemical changes in the brain and body reduce the production of testosterone. Levels of melatonin, which is involved in sleeping, can also begin to decline.
Overall, middle age is emotionally demanding because not only are men going through a turbulent time but the people they turn to for support are experiencing similar changes.
However, as middle age unfolds, the emotional roller-coaster slows, and for many men there comes a sense of peace. There is time to stand back, reflect and fill in many of the squares they had not looked at before.
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